About Em

Growing up I was bullied through elementary school & high school because my of my high-pitched voice. I lost friends because they wanted to know "why my balls hadn't dropped" or "can you sing with a lower voice?" the answer to that was no. But I ultimately lost all my "friends". It wasn't until my sophomore year in high school did my choir teacher asked me to join choir. I was finally able to justify my voice. I was a Tenor 1 with a falsetto into the Alto range. I finally had a place I could fall into. I tried sports…but it wasn’t my thing. I was pretty much a loner though school because I was “weird” always “emotional”. If I got angry I’d start crying and never knew why. While growing up I had some body dysmorphia, but ultimately I distracted myself with other things in order to not think about it or "hide my defect" (more on this later) College went pretty good… I lost a bunch of weight and started to fill comfortable with myself again. I went off to College for my last couple of years and never really dated as my body dysmorphia started to creep back. Again I was able to find distractions to subdue the dysmorphia. After College and after a trip to the Urologist, I was referred. to a specialist in Houston, Texas due to some physical abnormalities. I was then diagnosed with Klinefelter syndrome. I was told that I could take testosterone as this would reduce some health concerns & offer a “better way of life”. For the most part, the health concerns that it would correct were all I cared about. At the time I began taking Androgel and a topical rub-on prescription; however, it was $300/month for that stupid prescription without health insurance (before health insurance was required). So I couldn't always afford it. After about 8 months, a compounding pharmacy popped up and I was able to have them make it for me. $27 per month! Finally! Something I could afford... that was until 6 months later when I had my levels checked and they a 6. A freaking 6! (normal levels are 300 to 1,000 nanograms per deciliter (ng/dL) Anything below 300 ng/dL is considered low Testosterone levels in men. The way my urologist explained it "you have the lowest levels I have ever seen". So I was offered to do inter-muscular (IM) injections or look into Estrogen blockers to lower the ratio of estrogen to testosterone in my body. I opted for the injections. So they started me on 2cc of 200mg/mL IM injections. Personally i hate needles so for awhile, once every 2 weeks I'd go in for the injections. About $60/month. not too terrible. But then I moved & things got a bit more difficult. So I attempted to do them myself in my thigh, but each time I did it, my wife would have to be on standby just in case I fainted. It wasn't that the 2" needle going into the muscle was the difficult thing... it was the pulling back on the syringe to see if there was any air that killed me. Simply put, it was too much for me. Otherwise I was doing pretty great. Libido went from 0 to 100 in like a month, I went though puberty in 3 weeks. My wife hated the increased libido (lol, she had gotten used to my low libido). I could easily pick up a recliner. no problem. That was until my levels were too high. So they dropped me to 1.1cc every 2 weeks. Understandable, given the people that I have known, that abuse the stuff and then died. I continued those injections for about 6 years. During COVID & quarantine, I had some trouble getting renewing my prescription. For the most part I wanted to stop the injections. I was told this would be a bad idea as my life “wouldn’t be as fulfilling”. But that made me want to stop the injections all the more. After all, I lived a majority of my life without the injections. After doing research & getting a new doctor, I decided to stop the injections all together. One of the main concerns was bone density, which is was ultimately adjusted by high doses of calcium supplements. My vision reverted to prior to my injections… While I’ve never really put a name to it, I’m Intersex and more recently I’ve embraced it. During a family vacation, I got to relax a bit think about myself and where I was headed in life. After reading an article one day about Intersex people, one of the people being interviewed was transgendered and mentioned some of the feeling they had while growing up. I had a epiphany.. I had the same feelings, I just didn’t know how to express them or put a name to them. Going back in time a bit - I never had the courage to tell my wife or anyone else for that matter about my body dysmorphia, which in my case is genital dysmorphia. I had sort of joked about it with friends though college. And if someone brought it up, I never denied it, but also never acknowledged it. But as my wife has always shown support for others equally, I approached her how I felt. And she was supportive. More supportive than I ever anticipated. Support that allowed me to continue to make changes in life that I didn’t even know was possible, I’m comfortable with saying that I’m a transgender intersex person. My friends, co-workers & business partners have been incredibly supportive in my changes, and I cannot be more appreciative. In my free time, I work non-profits in creating websites and project management workflows to help their organizations. I love to cook, garden, craft, play xbox and play with our dogs. I used to have a personal blog where I called it “Matt unfiltered.” But that was in fact a lie. I hope that this site will be a genuine representation of myself and probably even a little raw at times. But if you have any questions, please don’t hesitate to ask. For all the haters that have made it this far down the page, if you are uncomfortable with trans people or wish to spread some hate, keep it to yourself. I feel sorry for you. To have to live your life with so much hate in yourself, is simply sad. I wish you the best.